Thursday, July 03, 2008

Cheezy Doodle Dandy

The holiday weekend is upon us. And what says holiday more than making a pig of yourself? As someone whose diet consists mostly of boneless, skinless, chicken breast, fish, protein shakes, green vegetables, oatmeal and brown rice, you have to break out once in a while.

My old trainer gave me some sage dieting advice. Plan on the occasional cheat day and eat something that is fattening, totally bad for you and delicious. Otherwise, if you try to go with austerity 365, you are just setting yourself up for failure. I am trying to figure out what to have for a yummy treat. Dessert? French fries? Triple creme brie with crusty french bread?

The whole decision making process has me thinking about junk food. By junk food, I mean real junk food. Food that is so processed that none of the ingredients occur in nature. I mean, what is cheese food really? Exactly what do they make Cool Whip out of?

I was never a fan of Twinkies, I have lost my taste for soda, such as Coke and that favorite of Canadians, Pepsi. It's kinda cramping my junk food style.

Then I remembered Cheez-Doodles. Actually, Cheez-Doodles, Cheetos (puffed, not crunchy), Jax, Cheese Puffs you name it. As long as they are an orange that does not occur in nature, or at least not in things that aren't deadly toxins, I'm all in favor. I don't know what it is. Let's face it, they are disgusting. You get covered in orange powder. As far as I can tell half of the total composition is salt and yet, they are so good!

I mean, they are the perfect compulsive eating food. I personally could sit down with one of the industrial sized barrels of the damned things that they sell in the supermarket and eat it in one sitting. I could eat them until I passed out and the EMT's would find me covered in bright orange powder on the floor.

I mean, with things like ice cream and triple death chocolate cake out in the world, just waiting to be eaten, why am I fixating on Cheez-Doodles? I could enjoy pate, I could order one of those delicious, artery clogging, heart attack on a plate breakfasts that I soooooo love. Fer Christ's sake, we're French Canadian, I could eat Poutine!

So what am I thinking about? Friggin puffy balls of bright orange, cheese flavored chemicals!

I'm not committed to it yet. I may decide to go with some other more seemingly worthy treat, but if you hear that some bloated, bright orange corpse was found in Boston over the holiday weekend you'll know who it is.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

You can keep your hat on

As anyone who follows this blog knows, I spend a lot of time at the gym. You probably also know that I am generally dissatisfied with the results. Consequently I have been reading a lot to improve my workout, diet and generally trying to find ways to slow the effects of gravity and age.

I am pretty good about following exercise routines, even ones I hate and diet guidelines, regardless of how bland it might get (that is what cheat days are for) One thing I have not been good about is "record keeping".

Just about everything I read suggests that you take pictures at regular set intervals to see how things are coming along. In my heart of hearts, I know this is good advice, but I am just reluctant.

Lately, I have been getting some compliments on my appearance. Some from friends and more importantly from friends who are not ones to hand out empty praise, but what pushed me over the edge to take some photos yesterday was when, as I was walking home from work, I was accosted by a drag queen. I was walking across the Charlesgate flyover and she was settling into a little park area with her entourage and an umbrella festooned with streamers and balloons to keep the sun off in the most festive manner.

She shouted up to me, "You looking good! I love me some muscly men! You single, honey?"

I shouted back a hello and a thank you.

After 30 plus years of encounters with drag queens, if one of those girls are telling you you're looking good, you probably do. Since they will also have no trouble at all letting you know if you are just a mess and really need to rethink your look.

After this bit of encouragement, I went home, got out the camera and ya' know what. Not too shabby. There is still room for improvement, and I would love to get rid of the snack pack (thanks for that expression Tater) but really pretty good.

So, without further ado....

Not too bad for an old bag.

Monday, June 30, 2008

My Hero

It was a pretty quiet weekend. The weather was not the greatest, but I am sure that the plant life appreciates the showers, if not the occasional torrential downpours we've been experiencing. So, the weekend was dedicated to laundry, grocery shopping and general avoidance of housecleaning.

To that end I went and saw a movie that I have been looking forward too for months now.

I had planned on going on Saturday with a friend, but Mark is having a bout with sciatica and by the time he didn't get back to me one way or the other about going I was feeling too lazy to run to get to the showing that I had planned on seeing.

So yesterday,I went to a mid afternoon showing and the auditorium was full of homos and kids.

I am not going to offer any spoilers. I am just going to tell you that it is well worth the price of admission. The animation is spectacular and the story is sweet and has a message. Hey, it's a Brad Bird film, what did you expect?

It is about perseverance and hope and being more than you think you can be. I'm not going to give you much more, except that one message that I walked away with is that if you want change, you have to look to yourself and that if you have hope, it can be contagious.

Oh, and my favorite gag is the noise WALL-E makes when he reboots!