Best Xmas Ever

Recently there have been a lot of break ins in my neighborhood as all the meth freaks get their holiday high on. So, I have been trying to remember to shove my faithful MacBook, Della, into my murse when I leave the house.

This has reminded me of one of my all time favorite Christmas stories.

A few years ago, on Christmas Eve, I had to go into my old dentist to have an emergency root canal done. This woman was nothing like my current dentist, who aside from being all hot and yummy, is a really nice guy and a good dentist.

She on the other hand seemed to harbour some personal grudge, though she could well have been this way with all her patients. At any rate she hustled me into the chair and started in on me before the novocain had kicked in. I am pretty sure the shot was administered with a rusty blunt needle. She then got out a dull wood chisel and a ball peen hammer, though it could have been a 5 pound mallet, I'm a little fuzzy on that and performed a root canal.

Finally after about 2 hours of torture I was released with a temporary crown and a much lighter wallet.

At the time, I was still trying, foolishly, to play nicely with the ex. So as I made my way home I stopped in a few vintage bookstores looking for a 1925 edition of "Gentlemen Prefer Blonds". It is one of my favorite books and I had introduced the ex to Anita Loos. He had always envied my 1925 edition with the Ralph Barton illustrations. As luck would have it, the last shop I checked in had a 1926 edition, but still with the Barton illustrations, so I figured good enough. It's not like we were having sex and I headed off home, warm in the glow of a good deed.

When I got home I had some trouble with the front door. When I walked into the Ganome Lair, I discovered why. The local drug addicts had been doing some holiday shopping of their own. Aside from relieving me of all my stereo equipment and electronics, they had also helped themselves to all the wrapped presents!

With one thing and another it was not the sunniest or merriest of Christmases. There is no silver lining to this story. No one came riding to the rescue helping me replace the stolen gifts. I had let the apartment insurance lapse, so I had to go through the long slow replacement process. Oh, and the dentist screwed up the root canal and a couple of years later I had to pay another dentist to correct the situation.

So why the best Christmas ever?

Whenever people get into those dreary conversations about the worst Christmas of their lives, I pipe up with this story and invariably everyone shuts up for a few seconds and then some always says, "Okay, you win." End of conversation.

So I guess there is a silver lining after all.