Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Personal space

Thanks, Mr. iPhone Guy on the bus. I just wanted to let you know I am really impressed. The way you sat down next to me and established that your required personal space was one and a half seats, right off the bat. It was masterful. And your balls! They must be ginormous, since you were sitting like you had a basketball between your legs. Wow! No really, it was amazing. Especially, since it's not like you were grossly overweight.

Then when you whipped out your iPhone! I mean golly, talk about letting people know what an individual you are by making sure that everyone within eyeshot saw that you too have what is probably the most ubiquitous consumer item on the market. It just made me sit up and take notice. I said to myself, "Now here is a true individual, a risk taker, not some shallow cretin who has pissed away several hundred bucks on a cell phone and now has to make sure everyone knows that he has the cell phone status symbol of status symbols." No sirree, Bob. I could tell by the masterful way you were fiddling with it propped up on the back of the seat. The proud way you were able to establish for anyone that looked in your direction that you had an IPHONE!

Also there was the masterful way you selected your musical choice. At least 3 times. The things you learn watching other people. I would never have imagined that it took that much elbow action to operate a touch screen. It left me breathless and not just because you kept ramming me with your elbow while you were trying to go through the not particularly complicated menus.

All in all it was an amazing performance you friggin' asshat. What do you do for an encore? Step on old peoples feet and push pregnant women out of your way?

A city bus is PUBLIC transportation, jackass! Not your fucking personal limo. Learn how to confine your stupid ass to your own seat. Keep your goddamned elbows in when you are playing with your dumbass toys and try acting like a considerate adult and not some spoiled 14 year old. Especially since you, like me, will never see 50 again either that or you look like hell for your age. Whatever the case, you're not cute and even if you were, I still shouldn't have to put up with this stupid shit when I am on my way into work in the morning.

Thanks again iPhone guy. I hope someone improves your day as much as you improved mine!