Monday, June 18, 2007

Shopping list

As I was working out this morning it occurred to me that I should stop at the drugstore on the way into work. The foremost reason being that I had neglected to buy a birthday card for Monkey. He turns an ancient 31 today.

I also decided I should get some decongestant as well, because getting my Allegra refilled was one of the personal errands that got pushed aside over the weekend. Then I remembered I needed toothpaste, a necessary purchase for if no other reason the obscene amount of money that I spend at the dentist, and I was running low on condoms and lube, another necessary purchase, if for no other reason than the idea that hope springs eternal.

Quite a shopping list, huh? I have since been trying to think of possible stories that the check out clerk could construct from the items that I purchased. I am thinking it would involve preparations for a big birthday celebration for a loved one. Or at least a lusted one, accompanied by hay fever and a desperate sensibility about oral hygiene.

I remember a woman that I once knew who had a big, friendly Lab. He was a great dog except for a certain unreasoning attraction to skunks. I can tell you, there are plenty of skunks in the Boston are, so he had plenty of opportunities to make new friends. She discovered after living with a rather more fragrant than usual dog that a product called "Summers Eve" was especially effective in counteracting the effects of skunk.

He was a big dog and it took a lot of... er... feminine hygiene product to bath the dog. She found buying it in large quantities a little embarrassing, so she used to go to a convenience store in the dead of night. One night she just broke down and decided to buy a case. When she brought her purchase up to the counter the young man gave her a curious and slightly horrified look.

She had a skunked dog, a case of douche and I am guessing about all she felt like taking for that day because she looked him in the eye and just said,"I'm having a really heavy month, okay?"