Bait and Switch

I got a phone call from Mr. Date tonight.

"LET'S FUCK AND 69! LET'S FUCK AND 69" and then laughing hysterically he started babeling about 6-2.

My initial reaction was, "I didn't know he had a drug problem."

Once Mr. Date was able to make himself coherent, he proceeded to tell me that some schmoe in Portsmouth NH is using my picture on his Manhunt profile. Aside from claiming to be me, he also avers that he is 6 foot 2. I will say this, he is claiming to be 32, so either I look better than I think or he, more likely, needs a new prescription for his lenses. The only thing he got right was claiming to be French Canadian.

For those of you who have come to know the Ganome, you know that he stands proudly at 5'3" and he shall never see 50 again. 32 is but a dim memory.

What to do, what to do? If I had more than 10 people reading this thing, I would publish this guys screen name and then leave you to your own devices. I am quite sure that people could come up with some fairly interesting propositions for our friend.

At the same time, I am sort of horrified to think that someone is so desperate, that they are using my picture to try and lure people for hook-ups. I can speak from experience, that photo was not exactly causing a line to form at the front door of the Ganome lair.

I am still trying to decide whether I am more irritated or amused. I did send him a little message. Keeping it short and sweet I simply wrote, "My goodness, we must have been separated at birth. Asshat!" I think I showed a great deal of restraint.

I will check back in a couple of days and see if he takes my picture down. If not, the gloves come off and I will publish his screen name and his profile. After that I leave it to you, gentle readers.

The Horror Continues

I finally managed to get a real person at Verizon. Yeah, I know, amazing. The upshot of this is that while they can pretty much tell that this problem is in a line outside my building, reinforced in part by the fact that there has been a systemic problem in my neighborhood that was caused by the snow storm, that is not stopping them from insisting that I be available to let some schmoe into my house "in case they need to test the lines."

WTF? What is with these guys? They can't test the outside lines and then get back to me? I should already know the answer to that. The last time I had a problem it took them over a week to get someone over to me. Then the repair guy didn't show up. Then I had to call them back and reschedule. This time I waited outside for the repairman. I saw the repair van come down the street and go around the corner. After about 10 minutes I went to see what the story was. This character from the phone company was sitting in his van reading the paper. We were a little annoyed.

I get Mr. Schmoe to get his well upholstered ass out of the truck to come and fix the freakin' phone. He goes around checking everything in and out of the apartment, guess what? He can't get a dial tone either! Finally, he was able to determine that some genius had shut my phone off in a manhole 2 blocks away, and hadn't bothered to turn it back on!

I know that this is going to turn into another snipe hunt and that I am going to have to sit around the house, so that they can figure out that the problem is somewhere other than the equipment inside my house and that I will have wound up taking an unpaid day at work so that I can participate in this foolishness. It is not making me a happy little Ganome. Not at all happy.

I guess I will have to suffer a little longer with Verizon until I make my move. Keep your fingers crossed, maybe they will fix the phone lines on the street before Thursday morning and I will be able to avoid all this.

Regardless, it will be nice to post from the comfort and relative quiet of my own home again.

St. Paddy's

I am not a big fan of St. Patrick's Day. It probably has to do with all of the Irish nuns I had in elementary school, and their... negative... attitude toward all the little Kanuck's in St. Mary of the Seven Dolors, maybe it was the Ryan family across the street, whatever the case it has been influenced by a group of people who will tell you they are Irish, but have never set foot in Ireland. What it generally means for me is that I can either stay at home or spend the day dodging belligerent drunks in green who are shithammered by noon. And for my money, Kelley Green is one of the most hideous shades ever perpetrated. On top of this, we have had a major snow,rain, sleet and shit storm here in good old Boston, which has knocked out my land line and consequently, my DSL. I'm cranky, I am without internet, and I am in fucking Starbucks, paying for T-mobile, because the Finagle a Bagel closed up shop on Newbury Street and I can't think of anywhere else to mooch free internet bandwidth.

To add insult to injury, the friggin' parade isn't until tomorrow, so that means all of the asshats will have an extra day to make drunken nuisances of themselves.

All that said, the sodden are not the true enemy. the true enemy is Verizon! I called the phone company up, and got one of those avatars that is suppose to make me feel like I am talking to a real person. The similarity is quite striking. Both are clueless, unhelpful and both will only schedule a repairman several days in the future, and give you a service window that encompasses a 12 hour period. These miserable shites have been robbing me blind for years. I am usually coming in at around 100.00+ a month for phone service and internet. I think the day has arrived to dump the whole mess and get a cable connection and live with my cell phone. I have a pay as you go plan, but I really don't see it making a huge difference in my life. I spend next to no time on the phone, and even if I do rack up more minutes it will still be cheaper than what I am currently paying for my land line.

Of course this is going to involve getting involved with Comcast! I hate to imagine the negotiations since I only want internet access, not cable TV. It is Unamerican of me I realize, but I don't watch TV. I do not watch, Survivor, Desperate Housewives, American Idol or any of the other narcotics that are being televised to a willing public and I have to say that they all sound so insipid, I have no interest in watching them. This kind of leaves me bereft of water cooler conversation, but it means that we have to talk about more interesting subjects like, our sex lives and speculating about the private lives of our co-workers.

As I read this, I realize it is all ranting. Too bad! I have been inconvenienced and therefore Verizon's corporate headquarters should be razed to the ground and the earth should be sown with salt, and all who are in power there and their minions should be sold into perpetual servitude.

As soon as I come up with a plan, I'll let you know.

Shingles

I have refrained from posting about my current state of well-being, or rather the lack thereof. I am currently suffering with a case of shingles. Initially, this was a distressing state of affairs, but after a consult with the doctor, his best guess is that it has been brought on by a combination of a lingering cold, and work related stress. This did not stop him from ordering labs and taking about a gallon of blood, but while the jury is still out, the early judgment is that there is nothing to worry about. Simply a rather unpleasant condition to be sat through until it goes away.

The upshot of this situation is that I can't button my pants without sounding like I am suffering from Tourette's syndrome, and as a consequence I have missed a lot of work, which at this point is much more worrying.

My friends have been checking in and making sure things are okay with me, which led to this conversation with C. last night.

"Just don't put any alcohol on it."

me: Gaaaaagh! It hurts just to think about that! Ow!


C. proceeded to tell me that he had been told a story by a mutual friend about someone who thought that an alcohol bath on the afflicted area would be soothing! She wound up in the emergency room. I can not even begin to imagine.... okay, so I can, but.... Gaaaaagh!!!

While I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer, even I wouldn't do that.

I repeat, Gaaaaaaghhhhhh!!!!!!!